Failures as data points and the hidden cost of indecision
I adore coaching for many reasons, but here’s one of my favourite: I get to curl up with self-help books and call it work. No guilt. No “I should be doing something productive.” I am only able to help my clients to the level of self work I have done, so I need to continue leveling up in order to really contribute to the insights and breakthroughs that my clients and I achieve together.
I’m doing the very thing friends nudged me toward for years: coaching full-time, for a season I’ve ring-fenced just for this adventure. It’s scary, exhilarating, and deliciously stretchy.
Stretchy? Yes, it is stretching me, allowing me to grow, expand and push myself past the discomfort and all the common fears and thoughts many of us have. Fear of failure, fear of being judged, fear of doing it perfectly, the pressure to get it right the first time.
Tony Robbins (love him or leave him) reminded me of something simple yet seismic: failure is just a data point. It’s not final, rarely fatal, and never the whole story. Failure is when we don’t achieve a result we don’t want. When we “fail”, we are gathering information on what worked, what didn’t and what can be done differently the next time. It’s a data point to help you move forward in the direction you want and to achieve the result you want. Or it’s a data point to help you realize perhaps this is not the right result to be going for. Whatever it is, it’s information that is useful. A no from a client or from a boss for a promotion is rarely a final no. It’s a data point on why they don’t want the product or service, or what may be lacking in skill or performance, that you can take away and work on and improve. That in of itself allows you to move forward. A final no from a client allows you to shift your energy to another prospect, rather than worry about the conversation or wonder if that client will lead to a sale. A no to a job promotion means data on what skills you may need to work on, or what needs to be improved. Or a signal that you may be in a job, team or company that is not the right fit. Isn’t it better to know and do something about it than agonize over the unknown?
One of Mel Robbins’ podcasts offered another gem: the hidden price of indecision. Often we are afraid to make the wrong decision. But the time we agonize and overanalyze and have analysis paralysis, is also a cost. It’s also a form of “failure”. One of the analogies used in this Mel Robins podcast is about a father and son who are entrepreneurs. The father will spend 9 months thinking about a business idea that was presented to him. The son makes a decision midway through the discussion and gets it implemented asap. To the father, risk is making a wrong decision. To the son, the risk is not making a decision and the cost of that. The father is still running the business, the son sold it and is now doing other things he loves. The biggest cost in life isn’t a failed experience or bad decision, it’s the time you wasted trying to make a decision. So failure looks very different to the father and the son. But failure, I am reminding myself, is data, that allows me to improve, innovate, gather more information and by not failing, it’s actually a huge cost I am paying. Does this resonate with you? Do these new thoughts help you reframe the way you think about failure and help you with those emotions of fear? I would love to hear from you.