“The More We Trust, The Farther We Venture”

“The more we trust, the farther we are able to venture.” — Esther Perel

This can be seen in children who grow up in safe and secure homes. Children are able to explore because they know they can come back. A secure base allows for the exploration of life, new experiences, and adventures, with the sense that there is a home to return to, whether that is physical or emotional.¹

This can be said of romantic relationships and many other kinds of relationships too, but today I want to focus on the parent-child one.

This is an acknowledgement of gratitude for the loving and secure upbringing my parents gave me. This was luck. I did not choose my parents, but I won the lottery. I have loving, kind, generous parents who show me what love is every day.

Growing up in a safe home filled with love and warmth gave me a foundation of trust, and that trust allowed me to venture far. Both literally, having lived and worked in eight different countries, and professionally, moving from what many would consider a dream job at the United Nations into jewellery, the private sector, entrepreneurship, and coaching.

Whenever I had a wobble, I knew I could go home. It may not always have been my first choice — for example, moving back in with my parents during my late thirties while going through a divorce — but knowing it was an option gave me the courage to leave a toxic marriage.

That choice — walking away from an unhealthy marriage dynamic — then opened the door to exploring myself more deeply, spiritually waking up, and reflecting on some of the unhealthy patterns and underlying operating system I had been living from.

I have now ventured so far from that version of myself, yet I am still me. Just someone who has travelled, explored, and changed through those experiences. And there is still so much more to explore.

My parents will not always be with me. I hope that will still be many years, if not decades, from now. But they have instilled in me a deep trust in love, in myself, and in our interconnectedness with others, and I can still channel that whenever I feel scared or unsure.

As you reflect on the relationships in your life, parents, friends, partners, mentors, mentees, etc. what level of trust do you place in them? And how much freedom do you give yourself to venture out into the world, knowing you have something beautiful to return to?

——————

¹ From the seminal 1970 study “Attachment, Exploration, and Separation” by Mary Ainsworth and Silvia Bell, published in Child Development.