One of the analogies I heard from Lumi during the 40 Days To Personal Revolution challenge is: how we are on the yoga mat is how we are off the matt. When I reflected on that saying, it rang true to me. I realized that how I am on the yoga mat, i.e. the attitude I have when practicing yoga, is exactly the same mindset I seem to apply to my life; in terms of how I deal with challenges, discomfort and goals.

So I decided to freeze my eggs. At the age of 38, soon 39, I decided that doing the things within my control would help with surrendering to the things I cannot. The decision was not something that as evident to me right away, it came with time. I write about this thought process in this earlier blog.

In April of 2020, almost exactly a year ago, my friend Isabel invited me to do a 40-day yoga programme with her, by yoga practitioner Baron Baptiste. It allowed me to gain a lot of different insights each week. To my delight, when I look back now, a lot of those insights have become part of my subconscious thinking and I implement them almost daily. Others, I have forgotten and need reminding of, still finding myself hitting brick walls and “suffering” through self-inflicted thought patterns. But, that is part of learning!

“Think of all the beauty you would not have seen if you allowed yourself to stop fighting; if you allowed yourself to give up.” Bianca Sparacino

One of life’s biggest lessons, if we can master it, is being comfortable with the uncomfortable. When we can surrender to uncertainty, we allow ourselves the opportunity to truly enjoy life.

The Bravest thing you can ever do is ask for Help

It takes courage to identify a negative emotion and to say, I am overwhelmed, but I am not giving up. This is something I do not know how to overcome on my own. I need help.

The benefits of meditation for me have been: clarity, awareness of my emotions, a space to pause before reacting to something without thinking, reconnecting to my intuition and trusting myself more; more moments of peace, joy and explosions of love. It sounds too good to be true, but they are what I have and continue to experience since dedicating a daily practice of meditation.

Changing my mind about freezing my eggs

If you were to ask me a year and a half ago, at the age of 37, if I wanted to freeze my eggs in case I decided to have kids, my answer was a resounding no. But now, I feel differently. I want to walk you through my thought process that led from a definite no to a very likely yes in that span of time.

Three tools that have helped me reflect, capture progress, feel more joy and create habits that allow me to work toward and embody the highest version of myself.

This is more than just a toolkit for coping with the ending of relationships; it’s for growth, self love and evolution. But for me, what got me started on discovering these was the end of a marriage.

I was married to a covert narcissist and did not really realise the extent (or the impact) of the emotional manipulation until I had walked away from the relationship and had a bit of distance, (and luck) to put two and two together. I had moments of doubt/questions, months and perhaps even years in advance, but I chose to ignore the feelings, rationalise them away and convince myself that I was in love.

I feel a deep sense of purpose, to share my story, experiences and “mistakes,” in the hopes that it brings light and wisdom to other people’s lives. It’s scary for various different reasons, but my coach said, swallow the elephant one bite at a time.

Navigating dating not just in our modern world of apps and instant messaging, but a national pandemic, is challenging for even the most-seasoned explorer. I’m learning as I go: it’s like the blind leading the blind.

Dating as a 38-year-old woman who would – correct-partner permitting – like to have children is an interesting situation to be in. Having come out of an 11-year relationship (two-year engagement; nine-year marriage), giving myself about a year and a half to heal, before being ready to let someone into my life again, has been an evolutionary journey.